rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
