HIV tests are more positive than that guy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!