I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants