It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
be right there i have to get my cape
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
