My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.