You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
