Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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