So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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