i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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