i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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