hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
