Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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