The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
