He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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