Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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