NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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