So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
