I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
