I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
