Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
