Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
