i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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