You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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