Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
