i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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