we made out on top of his cat.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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