HIV tests are more positive than that guy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
