I'm gonna have a badass scar
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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