I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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