I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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