Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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