can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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