Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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