I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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