dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
