See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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