peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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