I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
babies were throwing up all over the place
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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