I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
