FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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