i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
