There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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