RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
