She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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