I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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