Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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