I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
