I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
