it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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