I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
