party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
