i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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