It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize