you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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