Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
