i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
