I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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