He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she told me i tasted like america
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
