i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
