naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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