ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
