So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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