i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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