he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
