I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
