dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
