she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
