Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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