Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
