she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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