I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
