it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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